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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22758985">Situations</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlastorGrim/pseuds/AlastorGrim'>AlastorGrim</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Invader Zim</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bottom Dib (Invader Zim), Dib is Broke, First Time, Kidnapping, Multi, Smut, Stripper Dib, They're Not In Love But They're Getting There, Zim is confused</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 11:33:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,599</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22758985</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlastorGrim/pseuds/AlastorGrim</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dib has been down on his luck for a while. Ever since he left home, really. But when his old nemesis shows up at his workplace, Dib finds that things might just be looking up.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dib/Zim (Invader Zim)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>289</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Situations</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I didn't have time to go over this so sorry for any typos 😭</p><p>ZaDR Valentine's Smut Week Day 3: First Time!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There were very few things that Dib was proud of nowadays. The few things he used to be proud of had been tainted by the failure he hesitated to call his life. Evidenced by Dib passing by an <i>obvious</i> vampire with nary a second glance.</p><p>Dib was at rock. fucking. bottom.</p><p>How he got there wasn't a mystery. </p><p>Pride. The sin of Lucifer. The first to fall from grace. Maybe it was the cold, but Dib was feeling poetic. He'd finally learned the value of life.</p><p>(Or, more likely, his pulse was slowing so extremely that he was getting delirious. Wearing skinny jeans and a crop top while it was snowing wasn't a good idea, but it was what he had. He was pretty sure he was getting frostbite.)</p><p>Dib stalked down the alleyway and threw open the back door to iKandy, teeth chattering so hard that clenching his jaw didn't even help muffle them. The scent of booze, plastic, flowery perfume, and stale sex hit him in the face, but he shouldered into the building anyway, far past used to it. </p><p>"Moth! You're late!" A pock faced man in a rumpled tweed suit barked, head poked out of his office just so he could scowl at Dib.</p><p>"It's fucking snowing, in case you haven't noticed, Kinneth," Dib managed to spit out through blue lips, body still wracked with tremors as it worked to retrieve itself from the brink of freezing to death.</p><p>Kinneth sneered at him, affronted. "Save your bullshit excuses. You can work the back tonight then, since you wanna sass me."</p><p>Dib spluttered, "What? Hell no, it's not my week!"</p><p>"Sucks for you." Kinneth gave him a mean grin and slammed back into his office. </p><p>"Dick," Dib snarled under his breath, fuming as he stomped further into the building. When he came to the end of the hallway, he cast a longing look at the dressing room to his right, before huffing dejectedly and turning left. He walked down yet another dim hallway, away from the oppressive thud of bass heavy music and into a wide stretch of hall that smelled strongly of weed and tobacco. Dib coughed and shook his head as he headed for the back room, passing a few people that he knew from vague prior glimpses in various stages of undress. </p><p>"Hey Moth," The familiar alto of one of the directors called, Mouse giving him a faint smirk as he approached. She tipped her head at him when he nodded back, making to move past her.</p><p>"Mouse," He murmured, distracted. He jolted when she caught him by the shoulder before he could go in. He looked up at her questioningly, her skin painted like chocolate covered strawberries in the red light of the hall lamps and her eyes half obscured by the smoke of the air around them.</p><p>"Ah ah. Not tonight, you had somebody ask for you."</p><p>Dib blinked and pulled back slightly, incredulous. "Me? Somebody asked for <i>me</i>?"</p><p>Mouse snickered and nodded. "First time for everything. Maybe somebody took to that surly persona you've got going on. Especially since they asked for that outfit from your set last week."</p><p>"They asked for--oh <i>hell</i>," Dib groaned, burying his face in his hands. </p><p>Mouse laughed. "Yep. You must've impressed, because he offered to pay whatever price you set."</p><p>Dib's head shot up. "You're serious?" He asked, aghast. Then his eyes narrowed, suspicious. "How ugly is he?"</p><p>Sucking her teeth and averting her eyes, Mouse winced. "Pretty fuckin' gross. He's got some sort of birth defect going on or something. You might want to stack up on condoms, just in case whatever he has is contagious."</p><p>"If it's contagious a damn condom isn't going to help me," Dib retorted, heart sinking. </p><p>"Touché. Just make sure you go get checked afterwards."</p><p>"Think I could run him up, then?" Dib mused as he stepped back to retreat towards the dressing room again. </p><p>Mouse grinned. "Hell yeah. Take him for all he's got, Moth."</p><p>Sending her fingerguns over his shoulder, Dib slipped into the dressing room to grab the stupid outfit from last week. Being a stripper had very few perks, and the outfits were not one of them. The only actual perks were the cash and the occasional confidence boost, which were <i>not</i> as frequent as people seemed to think. Compliments got stale after a while when you could tell people didn't really mean them.</p><p>Had Dib known that he would end up picking tips in a strip club when he'd stormed out of his father's house that night, he...probably would've done it anyway. His pride was what got him into this mess, and it would hardly get him out--but still he couldn't help but cling to it. </p><p>Dib had just wanted to prove that he didn't need anybody. That he could make it on his own if he wanted, and oh, how he had <i>wanted</i>. So he'd left, a duffel bag full of his stuff over his shoulder and not much else. Dib had been intent on taking up a spot in the SE network, but once they'd learned that Dib had disowned himself, they'd frozen him out fairly quickly. Turns out the assholes only tolerated him because he was able to send donations every month. </p><p>So he had gone looking for work instead. He could build things, he had an absurd amount of knowledge on the supernatural. He thought, surely, someone would've taken him. Dib had thought wrong. Apparently, being smart didn't matter if you had a smart mouth to go with it.</p><p>He crashed and burned fairly quickly, barely a year out of the house. Money got tight, then disappeared altogether. He got kicked out of his apartment, started to starve.</p><p>Dib learned that people were only good for what they could give you. Unfortunately, Dib was also a person himself. A fact the world seemed keen to remind him of every chance it got. </p><p>Affection only went as far as his usefulness. And his usefulness only extended to limber flexibility, dexterous hands, and a physique that wasn't too terrible to look at. That left him very few avenues to turn to.</p><p>Thus, his employment at iKandy. </p><p>Dib honestly didn't know where he was supposed to go from here. His hardheadedness kept him from returning home (and wasn't it telling that his dad hadn't even looked for him? That Dib had been happily forgotten as the prodigal son?), and as of now he was just trying to save up enough money to stop having to dumpster dive for tech to work with. Dib would probably have better luck saving up if he stopped inventing, but then he would be entirely at the mercy of sleezy wallets and he didn't think his paranoia would survive that.</p><p>Shaking himself back to the present, Dib grabbed the requested outfit and started to change into it. Most of his modesty had died the same day his appetite had, so changing in front of a room full of people didn't phase him anymore. At least, not when everybody in the room had seen each other naked. </p><p>"I could ask for something unreasonable," Dib muttered to himself as he tugged off his jeans and slipped his crop top over his head. "Or I could just go for a few hundred more than usual and keep a stable reputation." He rolled his eyes and sighed. </p><p>Meticulously dressing himself in artfully knotted expanses of sparkly black and silver rope and gold beads, Dib slid his hand through the singular sleeve and fastened the choker around his neck. Then he picked up his clothes and tossed them into one of the cubbies by the vanities. Dib turned and made his way back down the hall, a draft swirling around his bare feet and climbing up his legs, making him shiver. Fucking winter.</p><p>When Mouse caught sight of him, she gave him a wink and a whistle. "Damn, Moth. Tell the bastard he better pay up." She jerked a thumb behind her. "Room 36."</p><p>Dib gave a half-assed salute as he passed her. "If I'm not out in an hour--"</p><p>"I'll assume you're dead!" Mouse chirped cheerfully.</p><p>Rolling his eyes, Dib curved around the wall and stopped in front of the door to Room 36. He hesitated briefly, then squared his shoulders and pushed the door open with the smoothest smirk he could muster. </p><p>"Hey there, s--" Dib choked on his own spit when he lifted his gaze coyly only to catch sight of the last being he had expected (or wanted) to see.</p><p>"Well, well, <i>well</i>," Zim seethed from the musty armchair in the corner, legs crossed and looking for all the world like the next words out of his mouth would be '<i>I've been expecting you, Mr. Bond</i>'. The menacing effect was lessened by the fact that his pointed boots still hung a good foot off the ground. Gloved hands clawed into the fake crushed velvet of the chair. "If it isn't my old nemesis, hiding out in a stinking trash heap. Did you really think Zim would not find you? You cannot HIDE from my WRATH, <i>HUMAN</i>!"</p><p>"Holy shit," Dib breathed, eyes wide. "Zim? What the fuck--<i>Zim</i>?"</p><p>A whole year. It had been a whole year since he'd seen Zim. Somehow, it felt like ten. </p><p>Stepping into the room completely and hastily shutting the door behind him, Dib whirled back on the alien with wide, spooked eyes. "What the hell are you doing here?"</p><p>Leaping to his feet atop the armchair, Zim brandished a finger at him. "Do not play dumb, Dib-worm! I know that you finally acknowledged that you could never beat the almighty Zim and went into hiding to try and save yourself! But no, <i>oh</i> no, the Dib does not get to run away so easily!" He hopped off the chair and started pacing rapidly, speaking at a damn near frantic pace. "Zim will admit, you had me fooled at first, Dib-thing. You made it near impossible to track you. But Zim will not be stopped by CHILLED CASES! I came across you last week, while you were wearing a horrible disguise, and followed you here to this den of <i>filth</i>. Then, what should Zim see but YOU, creating a false name and reputation for yourself in the form of an entertainment drone! How DARE you escape Zim's clutches and cloak yourself as something so disgusting? It is a DISGRACE to our rivalry and a disrespect to Zim! ZIM REFUSES TO BE DISRESPECTED!" He screeched, whirling on Dib with a faintly maniac look in his eyes.</p><p>"What?" Dib uttered, brow furrowed. "I didn't see you last week."</p><p>"No. But Zim saw <i>you</i>," He hissed. "COMPUTER! Display last week's footage!" He barked out, and a faint whirring noise came from his PAK. A small sphere emerged and buzzed before flickering. </p><p>Dib's face paled, sure that whatever Zim was about to show him would be mortifying. He lunged for the sphere on instinct, but it dodged his hands and projected a screen into the air. "Wait, Zim, okay, I believe you--"</p><p>Soft, thudding music emanated from the sphere, and Dib recognized it immediately. He set from last week. The same one the outfit was from.</p><p>
  <i>Show...and...teeeell,</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I'm on display for all you <b>fuckers</b> to see.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Show...you...TELL,</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Harsh words if you don't get a pic with me.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Buy...and...seeeell--</i>
</p><p>Grabbing the lamp off the nearest table, Dib turned and hit the sphere like a baseball, sending it sailing straight into Zim's chest, cracked. Zim staggered back with a wheeze and Dib slammed the lamp back down in its original spot. When he spoke, his voice was shrill, embarrassed. "Yeah, I fucking get it, Zim!"</p><p>Zim growled, opened his mouth to reply, only for Dib to cut him off.</p><p>"I didn't run from you, alright? Okay, this--" He made a wide, flailing gesture at the room. "--has nothing to do with you. I moved out of my dad's house and everything after that has...been a bit of a blur." He ran a hand through his hair. A dull, depressing, demeaning blur. "I'm not here because I <i>want</i> to be, I'm here because this is one of my only sources of income and I don't want to fucking <i>starve</i>." That hadn't been fun. </p><p>"...You mean to say that you abandoned your rivalry with Zim and your duty as Earth's defender because of something as stupid as <i>monies</i>?"</p><p>"And food," Dib affirmed after a moment, feeling exhausted. </p><p>In a flash of pink and silver, Dib was thrown back into the armchair and Zim loomed over him with his PAK legs, eyes sheened red through his contacts as he bared his odd teeth at Dib, furious. "I should disembowel you where you stand, you dishonorable pig," Zim seethed, incensed. "How dare you?"</p><p>"I didn't exactly have much of a choice, Zim," Dib spat back, gripping the leg nearest to him and shoving it off the chair. Zim stumbled. "I need food and water and shelter to live, and I can't get any of those without money, so I'm so fucking <i>sorry</i> you're all offended, but also--fuck you. There's the door, feel free to let it hit you on the way out."</p><p>Zim stayed hovering over him for a moment, claws flexing like a cat on Dib's bare shoulders as he bristled in indignance, wig twitching slightly as his antennae vibrated. Then, slowly, he released Dib and slunk off the chair, retracting his PAK legs with a huff. He crossed his arms. "Fine. Give Zim your product so we do not look suspicious and then I shall leave. But this is not over, Dib-stink!"</p><p>Dib blinked, bewildered. His ears went pink. "I--what?"</p><p>"Do you need your earholes checked?" Zim boomed, brow furrowed in annoyance. "Zim said give me your--"</p><p>"No, I <i>heard</i> you, it's just--Zim, do you even know what I do? Do you know what you offered to pay for when you walked in here and asked for me?" Dib inquired incredulously.</p><p>"You dance for others' entertainment." Zim's brow furrowed, probably confused as to why Dib was asking him things Dib already knew. "And Zim knows I paid for the 'sex'--" </p><p>Actual, <i>literal</i> airquotes.</p><p>"So the Dib will give the sex to Zim and then Zim will go plot his revenge!"</p><p>Dib facepalmed so hard he was pretty sure he almost gave himself a concussion. "Zim, do you even know what sex is? You don't, do you?"</p><p>"ZIM KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT THE SEX IS, DIB-STUPID!" Zim shrieked immediately, hopping onto the defensive.</p><p>"...Yeah, okay, look," Dib began, steepling his fingers over his nose and taking a deep inhale. "Just leave, Zim. Everyone will just think you have shitty stamina, so maybe don't come back. Ever."</p><p>"You do not control Zim! I will come back if I wish! And Zim has EXCELLENT stamina!" He proclaimed, jabbing an angry finger in Dib's direction. "And you will give Zim what I paid the monies for and then I will leave. But not because you told me to!"</p><p>Dib buried his face in his hands. "Okay then, Zim," He drawled sarcastically through his fingers. "Go ahead. Since you <i>obviously</i> know what sex is, why don't you start it?"</p><p>Zim's angry expression dropped abruptly, and he looked like a lost puppy for a moment before recovering. He waved his hand, "Eeehhh, well, since <i>Zim</i> is the paying customer, it is up to the Dib to start it! Obviously! So, uh, get on with it!"</p><p>Rolling his eyes in irritation, Dib reached forward and grasped Zim's arm, tugging him in close. Zim squawked in surprise, and Dib smirked. "Alright. I'll get on with it." He leaned in and brushed his mouth across Zim's, breathing against his lips, "Open."</p><p>Clearly torn between leaping away from Dib and continuing to bluster through his lie, Zim shook slightly as his eyes darted between Dib's mouth, his eyes, and the door. A faint lilac flush tinted his cheeks. Squeezing his eyes shut, Zim opened his mouth. It was a little too wide, but Dib could work with it. The bug wanted to come into his workplace and make him uncomfortable, he could get a taste of his own medicine.</p><p>Tilting his head, Dib kissed Zim soundly, slipping his tongue inside Zim's mouth to stroke along the long, prehensile one currently twitching away from him. After a moment, Zim made a strange, sharp noise, like crickets. His tongue curled around Dib's and he fell against the human's chest, claws hooked into the shimmering ropes of his outfit. </p><p>Dib's eyes fluttered and he gave a soft moan. Despite not having done it before, Zim was a surprisingly dexterous kisser. Either that, or his tongue had a bit of a mind of its own. Dib would place his money on the latter. </p><p>Shaking himself slightly, Dib pulled back abruptly. Zim whined and instinctively followed him. His cheeks were a brilliant shade of violet. His claws flexed. "Zim feels...strange."</p><p>"I bet you do," Dib breathed, eyes wide.</p><p>"You..." Zim licked his lips, chest heaving. "You...you POISONED ME!"</p><p>Dib yelped when Zim yanked him down by the beaded straps of his outfit so Zim could shout in his face, teeth bared. "What!"</p><p>"You poisoned Zim, you horrible, CHEATING Earth smeet!" Zim screeched, incensed. He shook Dib by the shoulders. "Fix it! Fix Zim! FIX ZIM NOW!"</p><p>Grasping Zim's wrists and ripping them away from him, Dib let out an annoyed growl. "You're the one that wanted to have sex, you idiot! I didn't poison you, you're just turned on!"</p><p>"Well how do I turn me <i>off</i>," Zim demanded shrilly, flush deepening. </p><p>"I don't know, just--think of something gross."</p><p>"<i>You're</i> gross!" Zim snapped indignantly. He buried his face in Dib's neck and Dib felt something <i>move</i> against his thigh. "And yet Zim is still like this."</p><p>Dib swallowed down his nervousness, thinking quickly. A smirk curled his lips, thoughtless. "Guess I'm not gross then."</p><p>He let out a grunt when Zim thumped a fist against his chest. "Fix it, Dib-stupid!"</p><p>"Alright, alright!" Dib said, raising his hands in surrender. Gnawing at the inside of his cheek, Dib carefully replaced his hands on Zim's hips. They were surprisingly wide. "Nothing I haven't done before. Just another job," Dib muttered to himself as he rucked up the skirt of Zim's uniform. </p><p>A little voice in the back of his head snorted. <i>Yeah, right. Like you haven't thought about this before.</i></p><p>Dib dropkicked it into the back of his mind, valiantly ignoring it. Licking his lips, he pulled on his Moth persona. A smirk curled his lips, his back straightened, and his eyes went half-lidded. He reached up with one hand and tugged Zim's wig off.</p><p>Zim's antennae bounced forward as soon as they were free, reaching shakily towards Dib like they were trying to grab hold of him. Dib ran his fingers up one curiously, and Zim let out that cricket-like noise again, face flooding indigo. His eyes squeezed shut and he shuddered, pressing closer to Dib. "You're making it worse!" He accused weakly.</p><p>"It's gotta get worse better it gets better," Dib sang softly, focused on hooking his fingers into Zim's leggings so he could get a look at what he was working with. Hopefully whatever Zim was rocking between his legs was at least vaguely compatible with humans. If not, Dib didn't know what he was going to do. It's not like <i>Zim</i> could tell him how to work it if it was too far from what Dib was used to--Zim didn't even know what being turned on was until thirty seconds ago. "You've seriously never felt like this before?" Dib murmured with intrigue, glancing up at Zim.</p><p>"Zim...Zim has felt <i>vaguely</i> like this, but never <i>like this</i>," Zim panted out, as if that was supposed to make sense.</p><p>"When?" Dib questioned as he pulled Zim's leggings down achingly slow. </p><p>"Ngh--sometimes when we would fight, a-after the Dib became taller than the Tallest," Zim managed to spit out as Dib continued to stroke his antenna. "A-And that day, when Zim watched the Dib dance. It was...stronger, then. Not like this, but still stronger."</p><p>Pride plucked at Dib's chest and he preened with the knowledge that whatever Zim felt, it was because of him. It was just Dib.</p><p>That probably shouldn't have been as satisfying as it was.</p><p>Dib yanked Zim's leggings the rest of the way down, and was surprised to see a glistening blue slit that looked vaguely like female genitalia, just without the labia. Dib cocked his head. He could've sworn he felt--</p><p>A brilliant red bulb peeked out from the slit, sheened in slick, and Dib blinked. Humming curiously, he hooked a finger around it to tug. Zim cried out, back arcing, and the red thing squirmed out into Dib's hand. It was about the length of a pencil, tapered to a point with soft, pointed petals that pulsed and bloomed erratically. It looked like a large, wet celosia flower--the kind that Dib had seen some of his co-workers get from fans. It was very...lively. </p><p>Dib wrapped his hand around it and slicked up the length of it, scrubbing his thumb across the bulb at the top. Zim trembled in his grasp, overwhelmed, and the chirping noise increased, growing in volume the longer Dib touched him. </p><p>"D-Dib-thing," Zim whined, eyes fluttering. In that moment, Dib felt a visceral hatred for the alien's contacts. He wanted to see those pretty pink eyes, wanted to know what they'd look like in the throes of pleasure. "I need..."</p><p>Zim obviously didn't know what he needed, just that he needed it. Fortunately, Dib had an idea about what exactly his little alien menace might need.</p><p>"Hush, Space Boy, I've got you," Dib purred, releasing Zim's antenna so he could hook a hand under Zim's butt and hoist him up. Zim yelped at the sudden change in height, but his cock pulsed in Dib's hand, excited. Dib carted him easily over to the bed and laid him down on the musty blankets. Both of their faces scrunched up at the feeling, but there wasn't much Dib could do about it. He just wished they'd been able to do this somewhere else, under different (better) circumstances. </p><p>Dib shook his head. No use in dwelling on that now. '<i>It's just a job, Dib. Get your shit together and show your virgin alien a good time before you ultimately never see him again.</i>'</p><p>Leaning forward, Dib sucked the tip of Zim's antenna into his mouth, determined to let Zim's shrill, addicting noises drown out the sudden sorrow in his brain. Zim reached up and clawed at Dib's shoulders, writhing as he moaned and chirped, hips bucking thoughtlessly into Dib's hand. "Dib-flame, please," Zim keened. "Zim needs...Zim needs to touch."</p><p>Dib blinked, then released the appendage in his mouth once more. Eyes hooded and glimmering, he let go of Zim's cock to climb onto the bed and straddle Zim, the flowery thing immediately bumping up against the crease of his thigh and pushing desperately, clearly knowing what it needed more than Zim did.</p><p>In a practiced move that he was both proud and ashamed of, Dib tugged the stiff tangle of ropes around his crotch aside and stuffed two fingers slicked with Zim's arousal smoothly inside himself. Dib felt his face flush and let out a huff as Zim's eyes immediately zeroed in on Dib's erection, which was fully up and flushed. Zim licked his lips and glanced up at Dib. "You feel this horrible heat too?"</p><p>"Can't really have sex if I don't, Zim," Dib breathed, even though he knew from experience that was <i>very</i> untrue. Best to give Zim a good first impression, rather than Dib's cynical knowledge on the subject.</p><p>(Zim might want to do this again, after all.)</p><p>'<i>Doubtful</i>.'</p><p>While Dib was focused on prepping himself, Zim's weird alien celosia found his cock and curled around it, squeezing. A startled, punched-out moan escaped Dib's lips, and his other hand flew down to wrap around both their lengths, sending a shiver up both their spines. Dib, who knew that while his stamina had increased fairly rapidly in the past year, he was already far too wound up for it to be this early in the game--or <i>at all</i>--quickly pried Zim's cock off his and kept it at bay with a few light strokes of the bulb at its tip.</p><p>Dib panted and grit his teeth as he tugged his fingers out of himself, then gently guided Zim excited length toward him. It pressed up against him, but before Dib could do anything more, it wriggled out of his hand and shoved up into him. Choking on air, Dib's knees gave out and he was sat fully on Zim's hips, shaking as Zim cried out beneath him. Dib had to hurriedly grab Zim's hips to keep him from moving, eyes wide and glassy. </p><p>"<i>Fuck</i>--okay. O-Okay, this is fine. This is great," Dib stammered shrilly, trembling as he felt Zim begin to wiggle around inside him, petals bumping insistently against his prostate. "Quit mov--could you quit <i>moving</i> for a second, Space Boy?" He ground out, still a bit panicked over the sudden stretch.</p><p>"Zim can't," Zim whined, face twisted up in pleasure as he tossed his head back, leg twitching. "Zim c-can't stop. Can't stop--it feels...i-it feels..." He trailed off with a moan, chirping so loudly that Dib could see his chest vibrate.</p><p>"It feels good?" Dib questioned breathlessly, hands fisting where they were planted on Zim's shoulders. Cheeks flushed and feeling hot, Dib sucked in a breath and lifted himself up slowly. Zim made a panicked noise, claws reaching up to dig desperately into Dib's hips, only to let out a mewl when Dib dropped back down. "Yeah," He breathed, grinning shakily. "There you go."</p><p>"Don't stop, don't stop, feels so good, Dib-flame, please don't stop," Zim babbled between hiccuping moans, hips grinding up in time with Dib's as his claws scraped lines down the human's thighs.</p><p>Watching Zim damn near lose his mind to the clutches of sex, so confused and frantic, chasing a sensation he'd never felt before--it was <i>intoxicating</i>. Dib bit his lip to keep down a smug smile, riding Zim in a quick, smooth rhythm that seemed to drive the little alien out of his mind even further.</p><p>The writhing of Zim's cock increased, shoved right up against his prostate, and suddenly Zim had caught Dib by the waist and held him down, a high noise like bells emitting from his lips as the petals bloomed and expanded. Something absurdly hot and viscous splattered against his walls, and Dib sucked in a breath. That was definitely Zim coming, but Dib had never been able to <i>feel</i> someone coming in him before. It was shockingly arousing. </p><p>Zim curled around Dib with a keen, wracked with tremors, before falling limp, like a puppet with its strings cut. His chest heaved, spent and overwhelmed.</p><p>Dib shifted his hips slightly and winced. Those little petals had a hell of a grip. Dib huffed.</p><p>He was a little miffed, if he were honest. It wasn't often that Dib came during his sessions, but he had been so fucking turned on this time that he hoped he might get to. But, given that Zim was brand new to the sex scene, he supposed he shouldn't be surprised that Zim had finished rather quickly. </p><p>Chancing a glance up at Zim--he was still out of it--Dib cursed under his breath and grabbed his cock, bringing himself off in a few rapid strokes. He let out a soft moan as he came over the pristine jade skin beneath him, dotting Zim's stomach with white. Had Zim been coherent, Dib had no doubt that he'd be screaming at Dib for soiling him, but for now Dib could revel in his high in the warm quiet between them. </p><p>Once he'd floated back down to reality, Dib realized that Zim was nowhere near resurfacing from his post-orgasm fog. With an exasperated sigh, Dib gripped Zim's waist and carefully rolled them over, laying Zim on his stomach and lazily petting his antennae. </p><p>Inside him, Zim's cock twitched. Dib winced and hastily moved his hand away, rubbing between at the skin between them instead. A rumble purred out of Zim's chest, clearly pleased, and his eyes drooped. </p><p>It looked like Dib was in for the long haul since it didn't seem like Zim's alien dick would be letting him go anytime soon, so Dib settled himself in for a wait. </p><p>Before he knew it, he was asleep.</p><p> </p><p>•🔥•</p><p> </p><p>When Dib woke up, he wasn't in iKandy anymore. He blinked his eyes open to find himself in a familiar living room, laying naked on the couch with a blanket thrown haphazardly over him. Eyes flying open, Dib shot up into a sitting position. </p><p>How the hell did he get in Zim's house?</p><p>Well, the obvious answer to that question was that Zim had brought him there after they'd had sex, but Dib couldn't imagine why Zim would do that. </p><p>
  <i>He thought you poisoned him. Maybe he's planning to get back at you. Maybe it was all a trick and he broadcasted your sextape to the galaxy like he did that one time when you were all gross.</i>
</p><p>Dib swallowed. Okay, there were a few reasons. "Zim?"</p><p>"Ah, the Dib is awake," Zim said as he stepped into the living room with a large plate of--</p><p>"Are those chocolate donuts?"</p><p>Zim's antennae perked up. Instead of responding, he trotted over and shoved the plate into Dib's arms. "Eat. The Dib is malnourished and thin."</p><p>Dib raised an eyebrow. "That's my general state."</p><p>Bristling, Zim snatched a donut and smudged it against Dib's lips. "Eat, you horrible human!" He demanded, damn near climbing onto the couch with him.</p><p>Spluttering, Dib yanked the crushed donut from Zim and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Alright!" He huffed, irritated. He went to take a bite and paused, eyes narrowed. "What did you put in them?"</p><p>Zim's brow furrowed and he took a moment to think. "Flour, milk, butter, sugar, co--"</p><p>"No," Dib interrupted, glaring. "I meant did you poison them?"</p><p>"Why would Zim poison them?" Zim scoffed. "If I wanted you dead I would have stabbed you while you slept, FOOLISHLY letting your guard down in front of the enemy!" He shook his fist to the sky. When Dib continued to stare, unimpressed, his antennae drooped. "...They're chocolate."</p><p>Dib's glare fell, and he sighed. He took a bite of the donut. "I know." The sugar hit his tongue, and his mouth flooded with saliva. He moaned and scarfed down the rest of it, starting on another one. "So why'd you kidnap me?"</p><p>Scrunching his face up at Dib's appetite, even with his antennae perking again, Zim huffed. "Zim has realized that you being so far away is an... inconvenience. If the Dib needs food and shelter, Zim will provide. On one condition!" He brandished his finger in Dib's face. "The Dib must stay here and not go back to his place of dancing. Zim...wants..." He trailed off, seemingly having trouble saying it. He averted his eyes and twiddled his fingers. "Zim also wants to have the sex again. With Dib."</p><p>"...You're serious?" Dib asked around a mouthful of chocolate icing, eyes wide. He swallowed and licked the corner of his lips. Zim watched the movement intently. Dib grinned. "I'm that good?"</p><p>Zim scowled, flushed, and looked away again. His hands flexed, gloves creaking. "Dib-flame is efficient. You are...not gross," He grumbled after a moment. "Also, Dib-flame does not have a choice because you're already in Zim's base and I can keep you here if needed. So it's best if you surrender now."</p><p>The matter-of-fact tone usually would've grated on Dib's nerves, but in all honesty, he couldn't bring himself to care. So what if Zim kidnapped him? It was still food and water and a roof over his head. Not to mention that he wouldn't have to pay rent, so goodbye creepy customers that only wanted to fuck him because his persona put off that he didn't want to be fucked. (Dib had never been that great of an actor. He was just lucky some people liked defiance.)</p><p>If Dib was telling the truth, he really had no reason to protest living with Zim. Zim was the only being that he could stand for any prolonged amount of time--though even that was shaky--and he was offering to let Dib bum off him for something Dib had already wanted to do anyway. Plus, if he could keep Zim distracted with sex, it was far less likely that he would be working on anything world-ending. He could have his Defender of Earth title back.</p><p>Pulling on a put-upon look, Dib sighed heavily. "I guess I'll stay with you then, Zim. You've kinda got me in a corner, here." He licked icing off his finger and smirked. "Your donuts won me over."</p><p>Blushing violet, Zim straightened his posture proudly. "Of course they did! I am AMAZING at making your Earth pastries!"</p><p>Above them, the computer spoke, "<b>But you used the Irken recipe--</b>"</p><p>"SILENCE!"</p><p>Dib snorted to himself and bit into another donut with a pleased hum. Yeah, he could get used to this.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Dib is a secret Melanie Martinez fan and you can pry that from my cold dead hands.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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